Options for UFC’s Dana White for ‘Fight Island’

I’m thinking of Herve Villechaize.

Who wouldn’t in these times?

In a fictional sense, I would love to see UFC president Dana White walking along pristine sand while carrying the 3-foot-10-inch Herve atop his shoulders as the next flyweight contender.

Villechaize was the French-born actor who played Tattoo on “Fantasy Island.”

He would be the first to notice the plane carrying those fighters White seems intent on bringing to an island-to-be-named-later.

I imagine Gilligan would sanction such a pursuit.

This is reportedly White’s answer to continue offering UFC events as the world concerns itself with a more important issue.

The coronavirus doesn’t give one coconut about Fight Island.

Still, discovering a place where fighters could train and compete seems on track.

We think, anyway.

Maybe this actually happens for those fighters who can’t enter the United States because of the virus.

Maybe it doesn’t, and White convinces a city or two stateside to welcome the UFC.

Either way, things are a bit stir-crazy outside the octagon.

Brian Kelleher is a fighter who penned a song called Fight Island, in which he plays the ukulele while asking “Uncle Dana” to “get this (bleep) done,” and “save our lives,” and “please build the cage.”

Don Ho seems to be losing it.

So, being the helpful first mate that I am, here are a few possible Fight Island destinations.

Fantasy Island

Work with me.

Villechaize died in 1993, but was portrayed in a movie by Peter Dinklage of “Game of Thrones” fame.

What better main event than Tyrion Lannister against Henry Cejudo (stripped title and all)?

White would have to — in some way — silence Ricardo Montalban, because the last thing we need are two alpha males in the UFC president and Mr. Roarke trying to control things.

And yet Montalban is also dead, so I’m assuming Jon Snow would take the role.

Cast Away

Monuriki is a small, uninhabited place situated off the coast of Viti Levu in Fiji.

It’s where Tom Hanks and his volleyball spent four years.

The location would make sense for remoteness, given Hanks still would be subject to quarantine in some undisclosed cave.

Problem: We know what happened to the last plane attempting a safe landing.

Instead of pulling a FedEx, White might deliver fighters via wooden rafts and hope the winds cooperate enough to blow everyone ashore.

If not, I can see an enraged White drop-kicking Wilson straight into the South Pacific.

Prince Edward

Just off New Brunswick and Nova Scotia in the Gulf of St. Lawrence, it’s the home of former Golden Knights coach Gerard Gallant.

This could work until White inquired of Gallant how advanced statistics might favor one fighter over another.

To which Gallant would curtly respond: “Look, I didn’t give a damn about analytics when George McPhee was weirdly obsessive about them before firing me, so why would I now?”

Great Exuma

It’s not overly private, but at least this spot in the Bahamas attempted to host a major event in the Fyre Festival in 2017. Despite the entire thing being a total scam and CEO Billy McFarland sentenced to six years in prison and fined $26 million, I would think some of those packaged sandwiches and FEMA tents could accommodate fighters.

Barbados

Let it be this. Please. It’s where Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk makes his home. He’s one of the worst owners in professional sports. I mean, a total nutjob.

It would take White five minutes with Melnyk to confirm the way in which UFC was built into such a successful global brand was absolutely the best.

Amity

The site of “Jaws.” For this to work, Lyoto Machida would be brought back from Bellator. After all, the guy drinks his own urine before fights, was suspended for using a banned substance and is nicknamed “The Dragon.”

I’m guessing he’s still “strong” enough to kill a shark with his bare hands.

There are others.

Madagascar with Marty the zebra and friends; the Caribbean with those British kids from “Lord of the Flies;” the Algae Island with Pi and one of Carole Baskin’s tigers; Eddie Murphy’s private space in Nassau; The Island, where folks tend to get … Lost.

I would think any piece of subcontinental land surrounded by water is in play.

Here’s hoping the exact location is announced soon.

Hanks needs to know if he can leave the cave.

Contact columnist Ed Graney at egraney@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-4618. He can be heard on “The Press Box,” ESPN Radio 100.9 FM and 1100 AM, from 7 a.m. to 10 a.m. Monday through Friday. Follow @edgraney on Twitter.