On the Fourth, take care if you blow stuff up!
One of the joys of my youth was blowing stuff up.
Every July 4, we’d wait in anticipation for the UPS truck that — amazingly — brought totally illegal fireworks to Huntington Beach, Calif., the law be damned.
Firecrackers, bottle rockets, Roman candles, underground/underwater fuse (that stuff really works!) — we had boxes full of the stuff.
They were definitely not safe, and the things we did with them were definitely not sane.
Accompanying the holiday was the inevitable television news report about the dangers of illegal fireworks, in which local firefighters would drill a hole into a watermelon, or a cantaloupe, insert an explosive device and light the fuse.
Boom! No more fruit.
These public-service stunts were designed to warn us kids of the dangers of illegal fireworks, but of course they had the opposite effect. We didn’t think, “Wow, that M-80 could blow off a finger!” Instead, we thought, “Where can we get some?!”
Our eagerness was undimmed in part because we knew some of the warnings that accompanied the demonstration were overblown. We’d all had firecrackers explode in our fingers, and none of us had ever lost a digit. We’d all been hit by a bottle rocket or two, without too much damage. Minor burns were commonplace. For us, the bigger and louder the explosion, the cooler it was. Safe and Sane? Those things were only good for the powder we’d used to make our own improvised explosive devices!
I thought of those old news stories Wednesday, when I saw Las Vegas Fire and Rescue detonate a poor, defenseless watermelon for TV and newspaper cameras. Instead of the old-school M-80, the Fire Department’s bomb squad used detonation cord, the type of stuff they use to blow up suspicious packages.
And, once again, I found myself thinking, “Where can I get some of that?”
Fire Department Public Information Officer Tim Szymanski was no help with that. In fact, he said he wasn’t wild about the annual fruit destruction. But after some inquiries from the media — followed by threats to stage their own, impromptu fruit blow-ups — Syzmanski relented. He said he’d rather the pros did it than media amateurs, saving Las Vegas paramedics a call to assist an injured reporter.
“I don’t like showing people how to do things,” he said. (Hey, Tim, some of us already know! I can blow up fruit with the best of them!)
Szymanski admits the detonation cord used was more powerful than your standard fireworks, and the fruit was pretty mushy, to add a bit of drama. “We don’t want it to be deceitful,” he said. “I want it to be as true as possible.” Along the way, he tried to impart some safety tips on the press: Explosives such as M-80s, bottle rockets and firecrackers are always illegal, and even Safe and Sane fireworks can only be legally possessed until midnight on the Fourth.
Here’s a lesson from a July 4 veteran: When used improperly or carelessly, illegal fireworks can be dangerous and can cause serious injury. Nobody is lying to you about that. But here’s an equally true confession from a veteran: When used properly, illegal fireworks can be awesome!
Yes, a watermelon will be totally destroyed by a properly placed M-80, but if you refrain from holding that same M-80 in your fist when you set it off, it won’t hurt you the way it harmed that fruit.
I’m emphatically discouraging any of today’s kids to follow in the sins of my youth. Frankly, I’m fortunate that I’m typing this column with all 10 fingers. These days, I’m more concerned about keeping my house intact on July 4 than in rattling the windows with a solid boom.
My bottom line: Have a happy and safe Fourth of July, and if you use fireworks, understand what they can do and how to use them without hurting yourself. That’s the flip side of freedom, but it’s important, too.
Steve Sebelius is a Review-Journal political column, and author of the blog SlashPolitics.com. Follow him on Twitter (@SteveSebelius) or reach him at (702) 387-5276 or ssebelius@reviewjournal.com.
