Lousy game? Blame Canada

UNLV basketball coach Lon Kruger left at halftime, probably to go enjoy a more interesting game at a local high school. Courtside fans Warren Buffett and Bill Gates also bailed early, because when bank accounts worth a combined $120 billion begin plunging like Katie Couric’s ratings, heading to the nickel slots seems a better idea than sitting through routs like the one Team USA pinned on Canada on Friday.

It’s sort of like watching Stomp Out Loud, which means tolerable in small doses. Then you want to scream until it either stops or you burst a blood vessel.

Team USA can’t take much from its 120-65 victory at the Thomas & Mack Center, other than that someone at Nike obviously messed up the uniform order and sent jerseys meant for an AYSO Under-6 team. All that was missing was a cool name across the front like Blue Dragons and orange slices at halftime.

It would have been more comical had Canada showed up dressed in red Mounties attire, but word has it the Swoosh folks are saving those babies for Oregon’s next football uniform.

Speaking of an embarrassment, Canada basketball must have Jimmy Naismith turned facedown. You’d expect more from the country that produced the game’s inventor, but it has reached this wretched state:

Iran qualified for the Olympics in Beijing. So did Angola, which does diamonds and petroleum and mysteriously losing billions in oil receipts like nobody’s business but has never really been thought of as the Mecca of crossovers.

Canada didn’t qualify. It hasn’t since 2000 in Sydney, where it finished seventh. It recently had to rally from 18 points down in the second half just to defeat South Korea in an Olympic qualifier, and my guess is the tallest opposing player against the Canadians that night would come up to Chris Paul’s belly button.

What in the name of Steve Nash happened?

This is what: Steve Nash. He stopped playing for the national team, and the whole country dived into a massive slump.

The NBA star walked off the court in tears eight years ago in Australia, his team having fallen short against France in the quarterfinals. He accepted blame for Canada not fulfilling its medal dreams, then said he hoped kids back home would be inspired to play the game and continue building a program he would eventually leave for good in 2004.

All those kids must’ve been at hockey practice that day.

“It never ends with Steve Nash,” said Canadian coach Leo Rautins, who played for Team USA assistant Jim Boeheim at Syracuse. “It’s all you hear. We put together a team that, had everything gone perfectly, had a shot to qualify (for Beijing). But all we hear is Steve, Steve, Steve. We all love Steve, but when he is 40, are we still going to be saying that? At some point in time, it has to end.

“Even for an outstanding young player like Jermaine Anderson, who takes so many tough shots for us, all they say is he is not Steve Nash. Well, I’ll take three-quarters of the point guards in the NBA, and they’re not Steve Nash. What’s the point?”

Canada is like everyone whose national coach can’t look down his bench at a 12th man who doubles as an NBA millionaire, which means it’s like everyone except the country now wearing youth soccer jerseys. Development isn’t merely important, it’s the difference between having a chance to qualify for the Olympics and almost losing to a 6-foot-and-under team.

There just aren’t enough willing and talented players in Canada — amazing when you consider it’s the world’s second-largest country in terms of land. But just because you have thousands of driveways in all those provinces, it doesn’t mean any have peach baskets hanging out front.

It also doesn’t help when your best interior player, Philadelphia 76ers center Samuel Dalembert, is sent home from a qualifying tournament for not being committed to the cause. I think that means he skipped practice to watch “Baywatch” reruns of fellow Canadian Pamela Anderson.

In Dalembert’s absence, former UNLV center Joel Anthony inherited a role he isn’t yet suited to perform on this stage. Anthony on Friday played in just his fourth international game and scored two points.

No one expects Canada to contend for gold — its only Olympics medal is a silver in 1936 — but what has been a recent world ranking of 17th could now dip into the 30s. This, the land of Jimmy Naismith.

A suggestion: Instead of singing for God to keep their land glorious and free, maybe Canadians need to begin asking Him in earnest for the next Steve Nash. Until then, there has to be some depressing Avril Lavigne song in which to wallow.

Ed Graney can be reached at 383-4618 or egraney@reviewjournal.com.