GREETINGS FROM GLENDALE

I am embarrassed beyond comprehension. Think of every critique you have heard about the media, and I can top it from 60 minutes here on Thursday.

The NFL held news conferences with those entertainers who will perform on Sunday: “American Idol” winner Jordin Sparks (national anthem), Alicia Keys (pregame show) and Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (halftime show).

The following are actual comments/questions posed to the artists from “media” members.

A female television reporter from Phoenix to Petty: “Tom, I still think you’re smokin’ hot. I have a thing for blonds.”

A reporter from a New York-based sports radio station to Petty: “Can you score me tickets to your show in Jersey?”

A reporter from a Dallas radio station to Sparks: “Jordin, are you going to be rooting for the Patriots or the Knicks?”

Another radio voice from Dallas to Petty: “My friend here fronts a Tom Petty cover band. Could he hum a few bars of ‘American Girl’ and have you critique him?”

At that point, a colleague leaned over with these wise words: “There is no buffoon alive the NFL won’t credential.”