Someone has been pooping in holes at a golf course for 10 years
Not since Spaulding Smails found a Baby Ruth bar floating in the pool at Bushwood Country Club in “Caddyshack” has there been such a blatant breach of golf etiquette as what’s been going on in Norway.
While every golfer would love to take a two on every hole, a mystery man has been regularly dropping deuce in holes at a Norwegian golf course for the past 10 years.
Kenneth Tennfjord, groundskeeper at Norway’s Stavanger Golf Club, said via UPI that he’s been finding human feces and toilet paper in holes at the course since 2005. Despite a decade of defecation, the poop-etrator is still at large.
“We know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman,” Tennfjord said in one of the quotes of the year.
The groundskeeper also told a Norwegian newspaper about other clues he’s discovered.
“He poos only on weekdays. On weekends I have never found poo on the golf course,” Tennfjord said. “He has a couple of favorite holes.”
Not to pooh-pooh Tennfjord’s investigation, but we’d be willing to bet the purported pooper’s signature hole is No. 2. Guess the groundskeeper’s too pooped to stake out the hole.
Steinar Floisvik, managing director of the club, said the mystery man used to arrive via bicycle.
“In the early morning dew we observed bicycle tracks on the course,” Floisvik said. “Footsteps showed that he had done his business, and the bicycle tracks disappeared back the way they came.”
The course also tried installing flood lights to discourage the defecator, but he dismantled them.
Floisvik said the man’s motives are unclear.
“Our idea is that it could be someone who, for unknown reasons, hates the game of golf,” he said. “Alternatively, the person may have a fetish or suffer from mental problems.”
This whole story reeks of a cover-up. It has to be either the groundskeeper or Albert Pujols.
They should put Bushwood assistant greenskeeper Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) on the case. He solved the Baby Ruth bar mystery. “Here it is! It’s no big deal,” Spackler said before taking a big bite of the candy bar.
