Looks that keep thrilling men
The last time I wrote a column about someone with a big chest, I recounted how defense attorney Richard "Racehorse" Haynes argued brilliantly in court that Newton’s Law, or rather gravity, pulled Morganna "The Kissing Bandit" — all 60"-23"-39" of her — out of the Astrodome stands, then propelled her onto the field to kiss Houston Astros pitcher Nolan Ryan.
Unlike the stripper I’m now writing about — Dr. Jeffry Life — Morganna swears she came by her chest, and thus the dismissal of her 1985 trespassing charge, naturally.
At 72, Dr. Life, the icon of the anti-aging movement sweeping the country, admits to taking controversial hormone replacements to help make him look good bare-breasted. I first saw him topless in his now famous ad in an airline magazine a couple of years ago. It looked like a 70-year-old white-haired, balding head had been Photoshopped onto the body of a 25-year-old Mr. Universe.
Well, I went over to his Las Vegas office the other day — the reception area is full of pictures of him topless — and asked him to remove his shirt. Not only did he strip to show a head connected to his body by a muscular neck, he also posed for pictures, breathing in short, staccato bursts to pump up his chest. I used the same technique to try to fight off the pain of kidney stones.
Be that as it may, Life — yes, that’s his real name — visited Las Vegas in 2003 to attend a conference and heard a presentation from Cenegenics, a local clinic becoming known for "aging management."
A family doctor in Pennsylvania, Life found that at the age of 64, despite workouts that in 1999 made him a Muscle Media magazine "Body for Life," he started growing a gut and wasn’t good in bed.
Intrigued by what Cenegenics’ doctors had to say — that low levels of testosterone and human growth hormone help bring on male menopause, Life got his hormones tested and they flunked.
Testosterone, produced in the testicles, helps maintain bone density, muscle, red blood cells and libido. HGH, produced by the pituitary gland, fuels childhood growth and helps maintain tissues and organs. Each has been used by athletes as an illegal performance enhancer and both decline steadily with age.
Eight years ago, Life became a Cenegenics patient, taking daily shots of HGH along with weekly testosterone shots. He felt so good he moved to Las Vegas and joined the company. He still takes the hormones, which can cost $18,000 a year .
If you believe the Mayo Clinic, the risks of testosterone therapy include stimulating noncancerous growth of the prostate and the possible stimulation of growth of existing prostate cancer. The risks of HGH therapy include contributing to conditions such as diabetes and heart disease.
Despite some hormonized men claiming they have the energy of the Roadrunner and the staying power of Ron Jeremy in bed, the National Institute on Aging reports that "no research has shown that hormone replacement drugs add years to life or prevent age-related frailty."
Life says studies done by some researchers have shown that doctor-prescribed hormone therapy helps people regain their energy as well as their ability to maintain muscle mass and sex drive.
"I felt better almost immediately," he says. "Sex was great again."
Six months after first seeing patients at Cenegenics, Life decided a way to keep them inspired was to show them his body. He bared his chest for a picture that he put on his office wall.
That picture also inspired a writer for GQ, who was in town to do a piece on anti-aging medicine, to use the photo to illustrate the article. Men across the country reacted like men, practically drooling over someone who looked good topless. The January 2006 issue brought so much attention to Cenegenics that it was able to provide a hormone-driven dream of small bellies and big chests at more outlets across the country.
But it’s not hormones alone, Life says before exercising at Las Vegas Athletic Club, that brings about the good life. He is on a six-day-a-week regimen of weights, cardio, Pilates, supplements and a low-gylcemic diet. His new book, "The Life Plan," details his regimen and philosophy.
What’s missing in the book is the patriotic fervor that should come from being able to live in a country where it’s possible to make millions by holding out a dream of making male breasts so rock hard that you look like you could play pingpong without a paddle.
Morganna, bless her heart, was forever thankful that a stripper could live the American Dream.
"I make sure," she told me, " that I always proudly suck my tummy in and stick my chest out whenever the national anthem is played."
Paul Harasim is the medical reporter for the Las Vegas Review-Journal. His column appears Mondays. Harasim can be reached at pharasim@reviewjournal.com or 702-387-2908.
