Survival of the Fittest
The Victoria’s Secret semi-annual clearance sale — it’s just like Christmas in June, except the halls are decked in high-tech push-up bras and lace-trimmed boy shorts.
While the deals prove outstanding year in and year out, a sale like this brings some types of stress so annoying, so Paxil-inducing or so cat-fight inspiring that they deter women from going anywhere near a Victoria’s Secret store during the three-week sale period. What a shame to deprive yourself of the type of markdowns that make the Wal-Mart smiley face look like a greedy dictator.
Brave the fray. We have taken the liberty of providing you with a few common clearance sale scenarios and following them with suggestions about how to handle each of them. Consider these tips a survival guide.
1. IMMATURE INTIMATES
You left the kids at home to do some serious sales rack scouring only to find an unattended child running around with a Very Sexy Rio thong — in your size — on his head.
Don’t be offended by the child’s gauche behavior and run to the nearest exit.
Do notify a Victoria’s Secret salesperson, who will be more than happy to put parent, child and thong in their proper places.
2. GOLD DIGGER
You’ve spent your entire lunch break digging for a Secret Embrace eyelet front-closure bra. After digging deep in a pile of lingerie, you find your size and attempt to snag your treasure, only to find another pair of anxious hands on the other end of it.
Do smile and compliment your opponent on her exquisite taste — while tightening your clutch.
Don’t play tug-of-war. Just wait for a surrender.
3. WAITING GAME
Twelve antsy women with armfuls of hangerless bras wait for their turns at any one of four — count them, four — dressing rooms.
Don’t let the waiting game turn you into a pushy diva. VIP lines don’t exist here.
Do consider going to the Victoria’s Secret flagship store at the Forum Shops at Caesars. It opens at 8 a.m. on the first day of the sale and has 12 dressing rooms.
Do skip the dressing rooms and check out; Victoria’s Secret allows returns and exchanges on sale items.
4. VERY SEXY?
Your final selections have you feeling ultra-sexy until you walk out of the dressing room and see the Victoria’s Secret Angels staring right back at you in a gaze that says, “Not even close.”
Don’t let those airbrushed, extension-enhanced, duct-taped, unrealistic images get the best of you.
Do remember that Tyra Banks, and every last luscious pound of her, is a former Angel, then do your best catwalk strut all the way to the cash register.
5. WHERE CREDIT IS DUE
The finish line, also known as the store’s exit, appears seconds away, but your salesperson keeps pestering you to open a Victoria’s Secret credit card.
Don’t lose your cool now; you’ve come so far.
Do politely tell Miss Commission that nothing she can say will make you open the account and then watch as she quickly completes your purchase so she can move on to her next victim.
Once you have your purchases in the bag, do consider yourself a Victoria’s Secret clearance sale survivor.
The Victoria’s Secret semi-annual clearance sale begins Monday. The flagship store at the Forum Shops at Caesars opens its doors at 8 a.m. and closes at 11 p.m.
