Drown out the kids with tunes for the 4th

What does the Fourth of July really sound like?

Lots of crap blowing up, shrieking kids, barking dogs and the aural ipecac that is Lee Greenwood’s “Proud To Be An American,” ad nauseam.

Right.

You’re gonna need some tunes, dude.

Here’s a selection of prime Fourth of July songs to soundtrack your festivities all proper like:

Fear, “More Beer” Sam Adams, the legendary, trailblazing brewer, was also apparently a founding father of the United States. Who knew? Of course, this means that if you love America, if you want to honor the men who helped grant you your freedoms, it is your patriotic duty to drink a wheelbarrow or two full of beer tomorrow.

Or else you are a communist.

Bananarama, “Cruel Summer”: The Fourth of July midweek? This summer isn’t just cruel, it’s draconian. This is the type of summer that eats the last piece of pizza, hits on your girlfriend when you’re not around, never replaces the toilet roll when it’s empty and shaves its name into your cat.

Jerk.

Detroit Grand Pubahs, “Sandwiches”: What do a bunch of hot, sweaty, drunk, rowdy revellers add up to?

Answer: Romance. Big time.

This is the perfect tune to woo that special someone by the grill as tasty meats sizzle in the background. Look the object of your affection in the eyes, and mouth along to the Pubahs’ poetry. “You can be the bun, and I can be the burger, girl. We can make sandwiches.”

You will not be going home alone.

Cannibal Corpse, “From Skin To Liquid”: A cautionary tale on the value of suntan lotion, lest you want your flesh to take on the same shade as Hester Prynne’s mark of shame. The song is an instrumental, but like most tunes in this band’s repertoire — “Hammer Smashed Face,” “Devoured By Vermin,” “Shredded Humans,” etc. — the title pretty much speaks for itself.

Queens of the Stone Age, “Feel Good Hit of the Summer”: The ultimate anthem to mindless summertime debauchery, this is the tune that will convince you that challenging everyone in the room to a keg stand showdown at 4 a.m. is a really, really good idea.

2 Live Crew, “Get The F@#$ Out of My House”: All parties must come to an end, and this is what’ll get the dude passed out in the kiddie pool with the sailor’s hat fashioned from an empty Coors Light box up and on his way. And don’t even act like that dude won’t be you.

Supersuckers, “Hungover Together”: For those of us who have to work on Thursday, this shall be our theme song. With temples pounding like an army of spider monkeys playing Dream Theater tunes inside our skulls, we will gather ’round, clasp arms and gently sing this tune to one another.

And then we will up hook the Pepto Bismol IVs.

Jason Bracelin’s “Sounding Off” column appears on Tuesdays. Contact him at 383-0476 or e-mail him at jbracelin@ reviewjournal.com.