Turning Green

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2766502

As I am "The Incredible Hulk," I can kill people with a mere punch from my big, green hands. But at this moment in time, I have decided to crush an enemy soldier by picking up an air-conditioning unit and utilizing it to smash this gentleman’s head. Squish.

This is satisfying for its linguistic value. You see, people say "utilizing" when they ought to say "use." They say they "utilize" a hammer by hammering a nail. But "utilizing" more fittingly means to use something for a purpose other than its original intent.

Ergo, I am "utilizing" this air conditioner by bashing someone’s brains in with it. And this is linguistically fulfilling.

Or perhaps, I simply like creaming bad guys with heavy equipment. "The Incredible Hulk" certainly gives me ample opportunity to utilize ordinary and extraordinary objects in the pursuit of justice and national safety.

I pick up cars and heave them at villainous robot men. I utilize concrete blocks as shields to protect my muscular torso from incoming bullets.

Absolutely, the most pleasing utilization comes when I grab an enemy soldier by the waist with my huge palm, let him struggle and kick his legs with fruitless fits, then toss his twisting body at yet another bad guy aiming a gun at me. That is killing two nerds with one throw.

"Hulk" is based on the summer movie, and it features voice acting from the film’s stars. But there is no captivating story line in the game. You are Bruce Banner. You’ve been turned into this large green fellow by gamma rays. U.S. soldiers and evil robot things try to slay you.

But really, who cares? You kill stuff that goes splat. Hurray.

Other reviewers have made much ado about the lack of originality in "Hulk," saying it hems closely to its predecessor, "The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction," from three years ago. This is true, but since I didn’t overdose on "Ultimate Destruction," this "Hulk" seems like good times.

As the Hulk, I sprint across traffic in New York City. I am such a big beast that when I brush the sides of a city bus with my arm, the bus breaks and bends. When I run near trees, the percussive power of my feet pounding the ground destroys the trees.

So, yes, my carbon footprint is considerable. But there are evil creatures killing New Yorkers. You have to save the Earth from intruders before you can save it with a hug, or so I’ve heard.

It is not a long game. You can finish it within 10 hours if you’re a regular gamer. And there is no online gaming, which is a big stink. The game also looks old, as if no one could be troubled with beefing up the artistry for high-definition TVs.

But "Hulk" moves a lot like the "Spider-Man" games, which is a good thing. I speed through gigantic New York adroitly, on foot as opposed to Spider-Man’s web. I climb buildings and jump crazy distances, as does Spider-Man. And I destroy 50-story buildings by punching them. That is super cool.

What is most fascinating is that no matter how many monsters and robot fights are destroying the city, pedestrians continue to jaunt down the sidewalks, getting crunched by my feet and other violent tendencies. Also, thousands of yellow cabs transport commuters amid the mayhem.

That is just like New Yorkers. They’ve seen it all. They won’t just stay home or flee town, because they refuse to succumb to fear. They will not be intimidated by any old giant, green utilizing man.

("The Incredible Hulk" retails for $60 for PS 3 and Xbox 360; $50 for Wii; $30 for PS 2 and DS — Plays fun, if short and without online gaming. Looks adequate. Easy to challenging, depending on which settings you choose. Rated "T" for violence, mild blood, mild language. Three stars out of four.)