Cliched script, visuals give mixed martial arts movie ‘Warrior’ big black eye

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Calling all baby boomers who recall the old "Patty Duke Show’s" impossibly catchy theme song …

Hum along, won’t you, as we introduce these substitute lyrics inspired by "The Warrior," the new mixed martial arts (melo)drama:

"Meet Brendan, who’s out to save his house, his sickly kid, his doubtful spouse,

And Tommy’s got a tragic past he wants to smash with just one bash …

What a crazy pair! And they’re brothers — estranged brothers battling all the way,

One pair of mixed martial arts fighters, different as night and day … "

We could go on with another verse about their father, a reformed drunk struggling for redemption, but we’ll spare you.

That’s more than "Warrior" ever does.

Reviewing this shameless workout requires one of those list pads divided into "Pro" and "Con" categories.

In the "pro" column: actors Tom Hardy and Joel Edgerton as the brothers, along with old pro Nick Nolte as their embattled father.

In the "con" column (and we do mean con): a mercilessly manipulative script that gives them nothing to play, forcing them to overplay at every turn.

For that, blame writer-director Gavin O’Connor.

In "Warrior," he tries to merge the sports-underdog drama of his fact-based "Miracle" with the family conflict of "Pride and Glory," which focused on a clan of Irish cops in New York City.

"Warrior" gives us a different Irish clan, the Conlons. But it’s pretty much the same old story, full of recrimination, regret and longed-for reconciliation.

In one corner, there’s Tommy (Hardy), a rugged Marine who returns to his hardscrabble Pennsylvania home turf for the first time in 14 years.

Tommy has no intention of ever forgiving his father, Paddy (Nolte), a former boxer who once helped Tommy become a wrestling champion.

Not for Paddy’s drinking, which the old man’s abandoned, or for the nasty family split his drinking triggered.

But Tommy’s determined to win Sparta, a new tournament billed as the biggest winner-take-all clash in MMA history. And he can’t do that without Paddy.

Meanwhile, somewhere in suburbia, fighter-turned-teacher Brendan (Edgerton) faces the awful truth: Between the mortgage and his sick kid’s medical bills, he and his wife, Tess (Jennifer Morrison), are facing financial ruin.

Unless, of course, Brendan manages to win Sparta’s top prize — a decision that puts him on a collision course with his estranged, embittered brother.

Before their inevitable clash, however, "Warrior" trots out the obligatory training montages, father-son confrontations and soul-baring revelations, followed by an all-the-marbles showdown between unstoppable Tommy and underdog Brendan, with good ol’ Pops torn between rooting interests.

In the process, "Warrior" establishes a new benchmark in cinematic recycling.

The screenplay (credited to O’Connor, "Entourage’s" Cliff Dorfman and newcomer Anthony Tambakis ) probably wouldn’t have passed muster at Warner Bros. in the 1930s, when the studio specialized in exactly this sort of cornball claptrap. Not even such heart-tuggers as 1940’s "City for Conquest" (in which trucker-turned-boxer James Cagney finances his composer brother’s musical aspirations) resorted to the kind of preposterous plot developments "Warrior" foists on us.

Alas, the movie’s visuals prove every bit as cliched as its script.

Beyond hackneyed split-screen sequences, O’Connor overdoes the hand-held camera routine. Confining it to the actual MMA competition would have boosted the in-your-face punch of the movie’s already bruising fight sequences, but by going shaky-cam in almost every scene, O’Connor reduces the overall impact.

Fortunately, "Warrior" boasts slam-bang acting to go with its slam-bang action; only performances this good could make a script this creaky seem even halfway convincing.

In the supporting cast, veterans Kevin Dunn and "Prison Break’s" Frank Grillo provide some spark as Brendan’s high school principal and unorthodox trainer, respectively. (Although Grillo’s "Soul of a Lion" mantra bears a suspicious resemblance to Rocky Balboa’s "Eye of the Tiger" routine.)

Speaking of Brendan, Edgerton ("Star Wars: Episode II — Attack of the Clones," "Animal Kingdom") makes an earnestly determined dark horse, while the grizzled Nolte conveys poignant regret in his role as a bad dad desperate to make amends — and terribly afraid he’s too late.

Good as they are, they’re no match for hard-body Hardy. A standout in "Inception" (and British productions from "Layer Cake" to "Bronson"), Hardy brings a seething intensity to a role that’s part raging bull — and part wounded child.

Watching Tommy Conlon beat himself up inside as he pummels all comers in the Sparta competition, en route to the movie’s never-say-die finale, gives "Warrior" its most stirring moments.

Like Tommy himself, "Warrior" doesn’t know when to quit.

Unlike man-of-few-words Tommy, however, "Warrior" can’t resist stating, restating and overstating the obvious.

That explains why, after surviving this movie, some of us feel as though we’ve been stuck in the octagon, enduring the kind of punishment that leaves us unable to stand up and cheer — which is precisely the reaction "Warrior" so desperately desires.

Contact movie critic Carol Cling at ccling@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0272.