‘Bite’

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There’s boring bad and there’s brilliant bad. Even when you’re talking topless vampires, as in “Bite,” they couldn’t shake their groove fangs all of four years without a spark of warped genius.

Here’s one way to explain it. Some other topless vampire show might decide to include “Nessun Dorma.” But has anyone ever had Puccini’s famous aria lead right into “Stairway to Heaven”?

Not even Michael Bolton thought of that one.

This is what separates “Bite,” and its creator/producer Tim Molyneux, from your standard-issue girlie shows. Since “Bite” debuted on Aug. 13, 2004, the Strip has become ever-more hifalutin, shoveling dirt over hoot fests such as “Splash.” Even rival topless revues, such as “Fantasy” and Crazy Horse Paris, now strive to be artsy and ambitious.

Pickings are slim for those who still search the Strip for something camp and over the top, though Donny & Marie bring hope just over the horizon. There’s “Jubilee,” but it held on long enough to turn the corner from dated to retro. There’s Cher or “An Evening at La Cage,” but they’re in on the joke.

The beauty of “Bite” is that you aren’t sure if they are or not. The revue embraces its outrageous premise without a bunch of self-aware jokes. The dancers do wear fangs, and they keep them in the whole time — perhaps as a practical consideration — and basically stay in character as the Lord Vampire’s “coven of erotic rock angels.”

And that Lord Vampire, as played by Antonio Restivo? The dude is totally into it. Except for the show’s first few months, when the show opened with a guy who looked more like Siegfried the magician, Restivo has owned this part.

From the first moment that he bursts out of a coffin swinging from some rickety apparatus –transforming from a skeleton right out of “House on Haunted Hill” — Restivo is heavy-metal Ronnie James Dio, all bulging biceps and blazing contact lenses, rising on the third day to smack “The Lost Boys” out of their Billy Idol fixation. (I was told, a couple of weeks after catching the show, that Restivo was on hiatus during some contract negotiations. Pay the man. He’s worth it.)

The show’s fatal weakness — or the key to its wonderful badness, if you prefer — is the relentless soundtrack of rock oldies. It’s one thing to have the vampiresses do their grindhouse solos to Foreigner’s “Hot Blooded” or ZZ Top’s “Tush,” even though they work a haunted-house castle set. (I’m thinking that on clear nights, the castle must be able to pick up the classic-rock station from Budapest.)

It’s quite another not to switch to orchestral or movie music even during the nominal attempts to sell the vampire thing. A choreographed fight scene is staged to the Beastie Boys’ “Fight For Your Right.” You think someone on the crew must have switched the music to punk ’em. And then you realize, “Oh yeah! It’s the word ‘fight.’ “

Another lyrical moment cues the show’s triumphant scene. A male victim (Mark Giovi) is surrounded by the vampire hotties, who take him to the ground and have their toothy way with him. While still lying on his stomach, he raises his head and slowly rises to sing the first few notes: “I’m sailing away …”

And when the Styx classic “Come Sail Away” gets to that key line about “A gathering of angels?” Yep. The vamps sprout wings.

Giovi, by the way is a fine singer (and former member of the Las Vegas Tenors). The overall performance quality is part of what makes the show fun-bad, which means trashy in concept but not inept in execution (except for maybe the magic tricks).

Molyneux also made a noteworthy effort to move away from the usual clean break between dance numbers and variety acts by incorporating aerialists Cees & Cathy into the vampire plot.

When I see vampire babes climbing out the lid of a grand piano, I remember an old argument offered, I believe, in defense of warped poverty-row filmmaker Ed Wood: “The only bad movie is a boring one.”

And of “Bite,” it’s safe to say many shows on the Strip are boring by comparison.

Contact reporter Mike Weatherford at mweatherford@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0288.