‘Battlestar Galactica’ successfully recruits new member

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I’m never going to be trailed by paparazzi. Never going to jump the line at Pure. Never going to be the coolest person in the room — unless that room happens to be my bathroom, and even that’s iffy.

As I’ve said before, I’m a proud member of Nerd Nation. But even nerddom has its standards — they’re what separate us from the geeks and the dorks. That’s why, rightly or wrongly, I’ve pretty much left science fiction to the pasty, basement-dwelling virgins.

"Star Wars" was great — and then I turned 11. I never got the whole "Star Trek" thing. And you know who watches "Battlestar Galactica"? Dwight Schrute watches "Battlestar Galactica."

But a couple of months into the writers strike, I was bored, desperate, and on the verge of getting up and going for a walk when I came across an episode of "BSG," as the geeks call it. Now, 10 weeks and 57 episodes later, I’m all caught up and twitchy, waiting to see what happens next.

Frak!

That little made-up profanity just may be my favorite thing about the series. Frak you. Motherfrakker. Go frak yourself. It adds real emotion to each episode, and there’s absolutely nothing the FCC can do about it.

For the uninitiated, Sci Fi is airing "Battlestar Galactica: Revisited" (10 p.m. Friday), a 30-minute recap of everything new viewers need to know before the fourth and final season premieres April 4. (The special wasn’t available for review, but it probably won’t be nearly as entertaining as the eight-minute recap at www.scifi.com/battlestar.)

As the defining sci-fi series of our time, "BSG’s" greatest strength is just how un-sci-fi it is. As much as the goofy, space-tunics-and-feathered-hair original was a response to the success of "Star Wars," the new version is a response to 9/11.

A horrifying series of attacks carried out by religious zealots who blended into the community. Suicide bombers. Sleeper cells. Controversial interrogation techniques. Haunting memorials that line the ship’s walls. It’s pretty deep stuff for a genre known for burying actors under pounds of latex and glued-on ears.

Granted, the enemy isn’t al-Qaida but the Cylons — thousands of robots that evolved, rebelled and nearly wiped out humanity by destroying the Twelve Colonies (don’t ask) — and the series is set in deep space. But those are pretty much the only concessions to the geek demographic. Well, those and the fact that the main Cylon is played by Maxim and Playboy model Tricia Helfer, and she’s usually at least three-quarters naked.

Other than that, "BSG" is a pretty straightforward drama. The technology isn’t all that advanced. Each character’s wardrobe would blend in on most any street corner. And despite coming from 12 planets, everyone, including the Cylons, speaks perfect English — although the Cylon played by Lucy Lawless does so with a New Zealand accent.

But enough with the rationalization.

When last we saw the roughly 40,000 survivors of the Cylon attacks, the presumed-dead Starbuck (Katee Sackhoff), with her Julia Roberts cackle and Joker smile, returned with news that she’d been to Earth, the long-lost 13th colony, and could lead the fleet to the new home everyone was desperately trying to reach.

And four longtime characters — executive officer Saul Tigh (Michael Hogan), chief mechanic Gaelin Tyrol (Aaron Douglas), Starbuck’s estranged husband Sam Anders (Michael Trucco) and presidential adviser Tory Foster (Rekha Sharma) — learned they were Cylon sleeper agents, activated by lyrics to a song only they could hear: "There must be some kind of way out of here." "Said the joker to the thief." "There’s too much confusion here." "I can’t get no relief." (Wait a minute, that’s "All Along the Watchtower"! Oh my God, Bob Dylan must be the final Cylon!)

As season four kicks off, Starbuck is under suspicion for having returned in an exact, but brand new, copy of her ship that exploded two months ago, and for having no idea she’d been gone more than a few hours.

Tigh, Tyrol, Anders and Foster are going about their business as usual, determined to fight their Cylon nature.

Apollo (Jamie Bamber) has left the military, seemingly for good.

And mad scientist Gaius Baltar (James Callis) is living with a cult of women who both worship and sexually satisfy him like he’s some sort of horny messiah.

Sure, that last one’s just pandering to the geeks again, but even that doesn’t bother me anymore.

It’s like I’ve become some sort of nerd-geek hybrid. Like a neek. Or maybe a gerd.

Frak!

Getting real: Matt takes seven of the remaining women for a night of gambling and romance at Paris Las Vegas on "The Bachelor: London Calling" (10 p.m. today, KTNV-TV, Channel 13).

Christopher Lawrence’s Life on the Couch column appears on Mondays. E-mail him at clawrence@reviewjournal.com.