Do’s and don’ts of attending EDC

Yes, we were once like you, the Electric Daisy Carnival equivalent of a naive little child wandering into the middle of a movie.

That was 11 years ago, when EDC first zapped Vegas’ senses.

Since then, we’ve spent 23 nights and 200-plus hours covering the dusk-till-dawn dance music endurance test.

That’s a lot of Red Bull, hombre.

And now here we are, graciously — some might say selflessly — sharing our hard-earned expertise on how to best experience this truly one-of-a-kind experience.

To borrow a line from fellow good Samaritan Mother Teresa, “You’re welcome in advance, Broseph.”

Time for a few intensely helpful do’s and don’ts on how to maximize your EDC adventures this weekend:

Do: Prepare for a commute as long as Godzilla’s trachea. Last year, we left our house at 5:30 p.m. to trek to EDC’s opening night. After driving, parking, making the 15-minute hike to the venue and then passing through security, it was 10 p.m. by the time we actually gained access to the festival grounds. (Did we mention that we live just 20 miles south of Las Vegas Motor Speedway, not in Barstow, California?)

Don’t: Let it spoil your good time. Look, sometimes concessions have to be made in life. It’s just part of being a responsible adult.

Do: Marvel at the massive KineticFIELD, the largest concert stage in North America, whose otherworldly production values have to be seen to be believed — and even then, you’ll demand that your pupils submit to a polygraph test, just to make sure they’re conveying the truth.

Don’t: Go there in open-toed shoes. With 30,000 to 50,000 revelers gathered at the football-field-sized stage at any given moment, your feet are going to get stepped on, and you don’t want to send your little piggies to the slaughterhouse, now do you?

Do: Be there to see Tiesto keep his streak of 11 consecutive EDC performances going. He’s the only act to play every iteration of the fest in Vegas since it relocated here from L.A. in 2011.

Don’t: Forget how far EDM has come in this city. When Tiesto launched his initial 10-show residency at The Joint at the Hard Rock Hotel in 2011, the first for a DJ in a concert hall here, he played to about as many fans that entire run as he probably will on Saturday night.

Do: Catch alt-pop changeling Grimes performing a DJ set on Saturday.

Don’t: Expect former beau Elon Musk to be there in one of those sweet Dr. Seuss hats, demanding that she play some Journey. Everyone knows he’s way more into Billy Squier.

Do: Make a point to catch some highly anticipated collaborative sets, such as David Guetta and Morten Present: Future Rave on Saturday and the live debut of Kaskade and Deadmaus’ KX5 pairing, also on Saturday.

Don’t: Check out the dubstep blanket party delivered by Doctor P B2B Funtcase on Friday without being prepared for some serious savagery for the ol’ earholes. Is there such a thing as an athletic supporter for the cochlea? Might want to look into that.

Do: Appreciate the fact that on Sunday, there will be not one, but two EDC performers named after “Pulp Fiction” dialogue — Yolanda Be Cool and Zeds Dead.

Don’t: Expect similar treatment for “Reservoir Dogs,” sadly. Although DJ How ’Bout a Little Fire, Scarecrow? would be pretty cool.

Do: Display your inner unicorn for all to see via a colorful, unique costume. Or maybe just come shirtless with a watch drawn on your chest in lipstick while constantly bellowing, “What time is it? Dad bod o’clock.” Your call.

Don’t: Come costumed as a note-taking Twilight Sparkle from “My Little Pony.” That’s our turf there, Chief.

Do: Exchange “wedding” vows with your favorite EDC companion at the Commitment Deck, where couples promise to be there for each other “even if one of you parties too hard” and the customary “I do” is replaced with a hearty “hell yeah!”

Don’t: Consummate said marriage aboard the flying elephant ride. Turns out that’s frowned upon.

Do: Be sure to take in all the flame-spewing art installation pieces.

Don’t: Forget that fuzzy boots are highly flammable.

Do: Look out for surprise performances on the various art cars. Illenium played on the tree-festooned Forest House Art Car last year. Kaskade and Steve Aoki have turned in classic sets from them in the past.

Don’t: Be the guy who climbs on board one of the massive party ships and dances awkwardly while turning his hands into “fun pistols” and finger-gunning the crowd. That job’s taken.

For more EDC Las Vegas, visit lvrj.com/edc.

Contact Jason Bracelin at jbracelin@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0476. Follow @jbracelin76 on Instagram