Compromising Position

Going Pantyless is dead. The trend of wearing no underwear was murdered late last night at a lingerie boutique and fashion police are holding three suspects for questioning. Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, all of whom have been photographed in compromising positions with Pantyless, could soon add homicide charges to their lists of troubles.

Sources close to the case say Lohan has the most compelling motive. As her second DUI threatens to end her career, the actress could have blamed Pantyless for exposing a side of her no one had seen before.

That said, Hilton still hasn’t been ruled out as the murderer. Some say she could have killed the controversial trend for getting intimate with so many of her on-again-off-again friends. The heiress might have acted out of jealousy since she was the first of the three to have publicized her relationship with Pantyless.

Spears, though, may be released as early as this morning. A strip search revealed the one-time Princess of Pop kept such close ties with Pantyless that she was paying homage to him at the time of his death.

As it turns out, Going Pantyless had a bigger following than the public believed. It seems many women kept discreet relationships with him. Pantyless’ fan base started to diminish, however, when he started revealing his affairs to the world. Then, no one wanted to claim him.

May Going Pantyless rest in peace.