One showgoer says Seinfeld, performing at Caesars, needs a new act

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The thing about Jerry Seinfeld is he doesn’t change his stand-up routine for years. He’ll go four or five years without coming up with a whole new act. Some bits he’ll do for a decade.

That’s crazy. Most star comedians change their entire acts every tour.

A few friends of mine have sworn off Seinfeld after seeing his act twice within a few years and hearing the same jokes both times.

One of those friends is a local named Tiffany. She’s a comedy nerd, but she’s not fanatical about it, which means she sees comics regularly and she never fake-laughs.

She saw Seinfeld at Caesars three years apart.

"It was the same routine word for word," Tiffany says. "I thought, ‘You’ve got a lot of gall.’

"Then on top of that — I’m not even poor, and I was offended because his tickets are so high. I thought, ‘Man, he really thinks a lot of himself.’ "

In between the two times Tiffany saw Seinfeld, she lived a full life.

"I built my house, I moved in — it took me almost a couple of years to build my house — I dated a couple of different people."

In that same era, Seinfeld didn’t come up with a fresh routine.

"I remember saying, ‘Seriously. What does he do all day? He just sits in that big mansion. He doesn’t have time to write an hourlong show?’ "

Tiffany (who requested her name not be used for fear of Seinfeld retribution) went to that second show with her friend Marlene. Tiffany kept turning to Marlene and finishing Seinfeld’s jokes before he did. Marlene would go, "All right, I get it, you know the end."

"I told everyone within earshot, ‘He did this whole (act) three years ago. Let’s all say we saw this three years ago and get our money back!’ "

Tiffany thought: Maybe I should write a letter to his publicist to complain.

But she doesn’t think Seinfeld cares.

"You hear other comics say, ‘It’s because of my fans that I’m here.’ He doesn’t seem to say things like that."

Tiffany was so angry at that second show, she started rolling her eyes at some of his jokes, even though she thought they were funny the first time she heard them three years before.

In particular, she thought one bit didn’t work for Seinfeld when he said: Ladies, nobody wants to go to your wedding.

"I thought: We didn’t hear enough about YOUR wedding? Your wife went to ‘ET’ and ‘Inside Edition’ — talking to EVERYbody about YOUR wedding.’"

So there Tiffany sat in the audience, and she was so bored, she started thinking about how Seinfeld stole his wife from another man.

"She was married when he met her," she says. "I thought, ‘That’s really rich, home wrecker — but you don’t want to go to somebody else’s wedding.’ "

Keep in mind Tiffany didn’t think about all these negative Seinfeld things the first time she saw him, because she was busy laughing.

She had been a regular fan. She liked "Seinfeld." That was a classic TV show — with new jokes every week.

"I wasn’t one of those people who quoted it all the time, but I watched it and liked it," she says.

"I didn’t start disliking him until that (second-show) incident."

That dislike changed the way she sees him in everything else. She thought Seinfeld came off as an elitist in the HBO special "Talking Funny." In it, he deconstructs comedy with Chris Rock, Louis C.K. and Ricky Gervais.

"Louis C.K. was talking about how Jerry Seinfeld was putting down Corvettes. And the kicker of the joke is the Corvette is a (crappy) car," she says.

"Louis C.K. said he didn’t get the joke because, from his viewpoint, a Corvette is a nice car.

"Wouldn’t it be nice if you were Jerry Seinfeld and the Corvette is the (crappiest) car you could think of?"

In that HBO special, Seinfeld asserts, "Your whole place is to be above the audience."

"He can get away with murder — charging expensive prices for tickets, doing the same show over and over, and being a home wrecker," Tiffany says.

"I think he gets away with it because he’s so ugly you assume he must be nice," she says.

"I think he’s forgotten how ugly he is because money makes you forget you’re not cute."

And that’s how Seinfeld ticked off Tiffany, who knows a columnist at the newspaper.

Doug Elfman’s column appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. Contact him at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.