Reporters’ Notebook

Police were called. City BlackBerries went off like fireworks. After a short time, the true crime story of the year went down the drain, so to speak.

The human head turned out to be a wig. Its owner, presumably, is still alive.

DAVID McGRATH SCHWARTZ

IN APRIL, CLARK COUNTY COMMISSIONER TOM COLLINS SUGGESTED A NEW ORDINANCE THAT WOULD REQUIRE FUTURE COUNTY EMPLOYEES to live within the county’s borders. The commission approved the final version of the ordinance on Tuesday, but not before Commissioner Lawrence Weekly gave it a snappy new name.

“I call it the Tom Collins-what-happens-in-the-county-stays-in-the-county ordinance,” Weekly said.

No word on whether the freshman commissioner can expect a cease-and-desist letter from R&R Partners, creators of Las Vegas’ much-imitated advertising slogan.

HENRY BREAN

POOR JON PORTER. THE REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN JUST DOESN’T INSPIRE THE LEVEL OF ENTHUSIASM HIS DEMOCRATIC COLLEAGUE, SHELLEY BERKLEY, DOES.

Porter and Berkley appeared together last week to help launch ONE Vote ’08, U2 frontman Bono’s initiative to get politicians to do something about poverty in Africa. Berkley spoke first and told a story in her distinctive voice that began like this:

“Two days after the 2006 election, I was shopping at Costco. I was by the vitamins. This woman comes up and says, ‘I love you! You’re wonderful! You’re brilliant! And so adorable! … Every time you’re on television, my husband and I stop everything we’re doing and sit down on the couch, and we listen to every word you say!'”

Berkley thanked the woman, who then implored the congresswoman to stay put so she could bring her husband, “Clem,” over for an introduction. “Clem” repeated his wife’s praise, and Berkley thanked both of them for their votes.

“Oh, honey!” the woman replied. “We didn’t vote! I’m not going to stand in that line. It’s hot, and Clem’s leg isn’t so good.”

Berkley used the anecdote to implore those present to use the power of the franchise.

But the message for Porter, apparently, was to underscore his relative lack of popularity.

“I have not shared those experiences at Costco,” he said. “I hope, someday, people will come up and tell me they like me.”

MOLLY BALL

MARTIN HANKINSON, 74, IS A NEIGHBOR OF THE SOUTHWEST LAS VEGAS HOME WHERE AUTHORITIES SAY CHINESE ACROBATS WERE, IN EFFECT, HELD AS SLAVES. Hankinson described the limber performers, who authorities said were fed minimal amounts of instant noodles, rice and vegetables twice a day and sometimes had to perform twice a day. He said they were small and thin.

“You didn’t see any linebackers over there,” he said.

FRANCIS McCABE

TO PROMOTE THE UPCOMING “THE SIMPSONS MOVIE,” 7-ELEVEN TOOK A DOZEN OF ITS STORES ACROSS NORTH AMERICA, including one in Henderson, and turned them into Kwik-E-Marts, the fictional convenience store chain made famous by the long-running animated series.

But is this a comparison 7-Eleven really wants to draw? After all, the Kwik-E-Mart on “The Simpsons” is famous for frequent robberies (career criminal Snake once jacked up the whole store and drove it to Mexico), price gouging ($1.85 for a 29-cent stamp), and changing the dates on spoiled meat (Ham, Exp. FEB 6, 1989).

Not to worry, though; 7-Eleven has the problem covered.

As part of its press kit about the promotion, the Dallas-based chain included a helpful primer called “How to tell the difference between a Kwik-E-Mart and 7-Eleven store.”

Apparently, company officials are happy to spend millions of dollars to dress up their stores in the spirit of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, but they really don’t want their Kwik-E-Marts to be confused with his Kwik-E-Mart.

HENRY BREAN

BUSINESS WAS BOOMING ON MONDAY AT THE 7-ELEVEN TURNED KWIK-E-MART. Dozens of fans crowded into the store at Horizon Ridge Parkway and Stephanie Road to stock up on such cartoon treats as Buzz cola and Frosted KrustyOs cereal.

They were so giddy — or hopped up on Squishees — they barely noticed that the floor in front of the cash registers was as sticky as the aisles at a discount movie theater.

“We had a little mishap,” explained an apologetic Daniel May from 7-Eleven’s marketing department in Dallas. “Let’s just say somebody ended up walking out with a four-pack of Buzz cola.”

HENRY BREAN