‘Terrible habit’ of kindness to others led to friendship with needy couple

The next day, Barbara stopped at the home and did something brave. Carrying a bag of dry cat food, she knocked on the door, not knowing what kind of reception she would receive. The man who answered was in his late 60s, but he looked far older.

Barbara glanced inside the dirty, smelly home, a shabby salmon-pink duplex with a kitchen, a bathroom and a room with a bed. Duct tape covered the hole where the front door was kicked in.

Gerald Buckley and Vera Crist, his girlfriend of 40 some years, lived there together for all those years. Both were mentally challenged. Gerald had worked at Opportunity Village. Vera was an inveterate gambler and a Dumpster diver. They had almost nothing but each other.

Barbara introduced herself and said she thought he might be able to use the cat food. Although he was shy at first, they talked a few minutes, and then he accepted the bag.

The next day, she came back with vegetables from her neighbor’s garden. Barbara and Gerald became friends; Vera remained standoffish. Barbara would drop by the couple’s home at least once a week. She took them grocery shopping. She picked up their prescriptions. She bought them things to make their lives just a little easier. She has no idea how much she spent on helping them, because she never kept a tally.

“My heart went out to them,” she said. Why them? Gerald was an honest man, and she liked that. “But he didn’t have squat. How could I look the other way?”

She had trouble explaining why she was so caring to these two strangers. Part of it was due to her strong Catholic beliefs. Also, her mother was a nurse, “and the nurturing part of her life rubbed off on me,” Barbara said. Kindness to others, she laughed, “is my terrible habit.”

At the time she met Gerald and Vera, in October 2003, Barbara was also taking care of her parents, who were ill and living with her and her husband of 13 years, Mike Gracey, a union electrician. In 2004, her parents died within three weeks of each other.

I learned about this incredible woman from Sara and Ralph Denton. Ralph was Gerald’s attorney. The Dentons didn’t know about Barbara, nor did she know about them. They only met after Gerald and Vera both became ill this past summer.

Gerald was related through marriage to Las Vegas bookmaker Sammy Cohen, owner of Santa Anita Race and Sports Book. When Cohen died in 1979, he left $15,000 with Ralph Denton in trust for Gerald, his late wife’s brother, so Gerald would have “walking around money.”

Once a month, Gerald walked to Ralph Denton’s downtown office to pick up $50, later $100.

When Gerald didn’t come to pick up his money, the Dentons asked police to check the home. They found no one inside. By then, Gerald was in a nursing home. Vera was in a hospital. The Dentons had no idea where they were or how they got there.

A note was left inside the home asking that Ralph Denton be called if Gerald’s whereabouts were known. Barbara called him the next time she went inside to feed the four cats.

On Nov. 14, Gerald died at age 73.

The next day, Vera died at 74.

Barbara showed me a shoebox with some loose change, a black comb, keys, a few documents such as birth certificates and a coffee cup. It was the place Gerald kept his and Vera’s important papers and keepsakes. “He didn’t have a nickel to his name, but he didn’t ask for anything,” Barbara said, tearing up.

So what did this tall, attractive 50-year-old woman get out of her friendship with Gerald? She had trouble finding an answer. Finally, she said, “I needed someone to take care of.”

Know that in this holiday season, when we sing about angels, Barbara Gracey is one, unafraid to show kindness and generosity to two frail, needy strangers.

Jane Ann Morrison’s column appears Monday, Thursday and Saturday. E-mail her at Jane@reviewjournal.com or call (702) 383-0275.