LASHING OUT

 

When a beauty product leads you to identify with Britney Spears, you tend to develop a resentment for it. That’s a given. The surprising part comes when the situation arouses feelings of compassion for Spears, or Poor Brit as I’ve come to non-condescendingly refer to her.

I blame MAC Cosmetics for both. The company markets its new lashes, which launched this month, as incredibly natural. So natural, Christina Smith, the lash designer claimed, you can wear them to the office on a daily basis and no one would be the wiser. Well, not if the lashes stay attached to your lid, anyway.

Two weeks ago, as I stared in the mirror at the hanging appendage on my left eye — otherwise known as a MAC Lash — I thought of how long I’d been at work: six hours. Thanks for letting me know, co-workers.

The pathetic image in the mirror brought Spears and her ’06 interview with Matt Lauer on the "Dateline NBC" to mind. Although she hadn’t yet revealed her head-shaving, crotch-exposing, rehab-hopping talents, something about that little chitchat had America hearing a faint cuckoo. It came in the form of a dangling fake eyelash.

The air quote abuse, dangerously short skirt and exposed milk-engorged breasts from that interview all registered as obnoxious, but forgivable, offenses. But, that one mascara-clumped detail seemed to scream "Help!"

As did my flimsy strip of stubborn lashes. Like Spears during that PR nightmare, I, too, just needed a little assistance. Sure, a courteous whisper or anonymous note (Pssst, what’s up with your eyelashes?!) would have been welcomed, but I really just needed a professional, the kind whose hand is so steady they could play a game of buzz-free Operation on a turbulent flight. That’s the kind of talent it takes to get these things on with ease.

I tried out three sets of lashes. One amazed, another pleasantly surprised and the last one had me wondering if the crying Britney fan fell prey to MAC’s new lash claims, too. Here’s the breakdown:

SHU IN

The good: The Slant Black design I rocked could have a breast man, chin-high in cleavage, maintaining eye contact. They feel as luxurious as they look (remember Jennifer Lopez’s Shu Uemura fox fur lashes at the ’01 Oscars?) and the band is thick and sturdy. When you remove these lashes they retain the same shape and form they did in the pretty little plastic tray you removed them from. Another plus: Shu Uemura has a lash bar at Neiman Marcus, where makeup artists will train you to apply a pair.

The bad: A lot of the designs are so over-the-top they would only work on Halloween or for a Cirque du Soleil act.

The ugly: Drawing a blank.

SALLY RALLY

The good: The $2.99 price tag on the Sally’s lash box leaves little room for criticism. And for the indecisive, the manufacturer has taken the liberty of supplying short, medium and long individual lashes all in one box. The real surprise came with the comprehensive directions, though. Follow them to a T and you’ll be batting a set of thick, natural-looking lashes in less than 30 minutes.

The bad: The lash’s roots look like a knot, which leaves an eyelash extension effect — not cute. You also have to purchase the adhesive remover, another $2.99, to get them off.

The ugly: When the glue seeped into my eye I thanked the manufacturers for concocting something so sensitive. But when I literally got an eyeful of the special adhesive remover, I wondered how much blindness could garner in a civil trial. Ouch.

MAC ATTACK

The good: I got nothin’.

The bad: Where do I start? How about the claims. If you want to tout the lashes as "an everyday staple" try avoiding a length that appeals to the staff at Scores. And, if I’m supposed to trim them myself — annoying — how do I do that without leaving a blunt line that contradicts the whole "natural" concept?

The ugly: You’re supposed to get three to six wears, but once you peel them off the band shrivels up and winds into a curly cue. A second application becomes impossible. Not to mention, they don’t stay on!

Contact fashion reporter Xazmin Garza at xgarza@reviewjournal.com or (702) 383-0477.