Breaking All the Rules

Mom undoubtedly meant well with her words of advice but good intentions aren’t always enough. The rules, as we came to understand them, at times seemed as if June Cleaver herself penned them. Times have changed since Mom told us how to dress and groom ourselves and so should the rules.

THE RULES

1. Never wear white after Labor Day. If you didn’t purge this rule from memory the moment you laid eyes on “Ugly Betty” art director Wilhelmina Slater, then feel free to do so now. A winter stole, cashmere sweater or even a tailored business suit can captivate in white. Only forego this rule with shoes, however, if you inherited your mother’s ability to distinguish fashion from fads.

2. Don’t shave above your knees. Give us one good reason why. We’re willing to bet this rule surfaced around the same time as the poodle skirt. Please join the rest of us in present times, where mod minis, short shorts and proper grooming are very “in,” and bid farewell to this senseless rule.

3. Don’t let your bra straps show. Revealing your bra straps once was synonymous with promiscuity. Why, we don’t know, but Rizzo from “Grease” sported the look for a reason. In the wake of Carrie Bradshaw in “Sex and the City,” bra straps intentionally get exposed. Just be sure not to display your white or nude straps; no one wants to see the training bra staple colors in the spotlight.

4. Always match your shoes and your belt/handbag. Tune in just once to TLC’s “What Not to Wear” and the new mismatch trend will come through loud and clear. Stacy London and Clinton Kelly love nothing more than to ignite an outfit with a power punch of unexpected color and often do it with shoes, belts and bags. If the pros don’t worry themselves with matching, neither should you.

5. Apply mascara to top lashes only. This rule came into play as a precaution in case the waterworks went into motion. These days we have waterproof mascara, not to mention better beauty sense. A smoky eye without a coat of mascara on the bottom lashes? Unheard of.

6. Never mix silver and gold jewelry. Some of you might shudder at the mere thought of introducing your platinum to your 24-karat gold, but the relationship could very well impress you. It’s certainly left an impression on jewelry designers, who have recently dared to mingle the two in one piece. If exercised in small doses, the two get along fabulously.

7. Always wear a slip. Similar to the shaving rule, we must ask why? Unless the dress or skirt provides more of a peep show than it does a fashion statement, go without it. Slips and a jersey trapeze dress, microfiber baby doll dress or satin pencil skirt just don’t make sense. Eliminating an extra layer, and consequently an extra expense? Now that makes sense.

8. More than one pattern is forbidden. We’d like to give Mom the benefit of the doubt and assume she’d change her mind if she could see the recent pattern couplings. Polka dots and stripes, argyle and paisley or a Missoni pattern and an animal print — all matches made in style heaven.

9. The more you brush your hair, the better. Notice how the camera always conveniently cut to Marsha Brady when she made her final two strokes (“Ninety-nine, one hundred!”) through her shiny dirty blond hair. We suspect she made those two strokes and nothing more, otherwise her locks would have been as damaged as her nose just before the big dance.

10. Always wear white underwear. Mom meant well since she only intended to rid you of panty lines, but trial and error over the years has proven nude trumps white with that objective. That said, we can only assume the words Victoria’s Secret, Agent Provocateur, La Perla and — most importantly — “thong” hadn’t entered the fashion vernacular when this rule became enforced.