9 of the worst characters in movies and TV
Pity the Porgs.
Since their introduction in the first trailer for “Star Wars: The Last Jedi,” the tiny birdlike creatures have been subjected to the type of internet scorn usually reserved for politicians or kneeling football players.
That isn’t to say it hasn’t been justified.
They literally serve no purpose beyond looking cute and selling toys.
With that in mind, here’s a look at characters who nearly ruined installments of popular movie franchises or tarnished our memories of beloved TV shows.
■ Jar Jar Binks, ‘Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace’
He was going to be a star. Rolling Stone even put him on its cover. Then “The Phantom Menace” came out, and the world saw Jar Jar as the skittish, bumbling, supremely annoying character he was. Thanks to the Gungan’s distinctly Jamaican-esque patois (“Meesa your humble servant”), “Star Wars” mastermind George Lucas faced allegations of racism — the Wall Street Journal called Jar Jar “a Rastafarian Stepin Fetchit.” With his “Exsqueeze me” and multiple utterings of “How rude,” he even stole catchphrases from Wayne Campbell and “Full House’s’ ” Michelle Tanner. Jar Jar made every scene he was in exponentially worse — which is saying something when it comes to “The Phantom Menace.”
■ The Ewoks, ‘Return of the Jedi’
Sure, I wanted an Ewok when I first saw “Return of the Jedi.” Then again, I was 10. The tiny fur balls from the forest moon of Endor somehow saved the Rebel alliance by shooting arrows at and dropping small rocks on the heavily armored Stormtroopers. And while there could have been a worse way to end the original saga than an Ewok dance party, I’m not sure what that might have looked like.
■ Mutt Williams, ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’
Remarkably, Lucas is at least somewhat responsible for yet another reviled character, as he received a story credit on the movie that introduced Mutt (Shia LaBeouf), Indy’s greaser son, in what is easily the worst movie in the franchise. The presence of Mutt, who was forever combing his hair and playing with his switchblade, wasn’t worse than, say, Indy surviving a nuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator. But Indy is iconic; Mutt was just a twerp. The internet let out a collective cheer when it was revealed in September that Mutt wouldn’t return in the next installment.
■ Skids and Mudflap, ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’
Racist caricatures and Shia LaBeouf? It’s like a perfect storm of controversy. Also known as the twins, Skids and Mudflap spoke weird jive, struck B-boy poses, bragged about not reading and kept wanting to “pop a cap” in people. Skids even sported a gold tooth. Who knows what director Michael Bay was thinking when it came to those two. Then again, who ever knows what Michael Bay is thinking?
■ Mary Corleone, ‘The Godfather: Part III’
The first two “Godfather” movies won best picture Oscars. The third won Sofia Coppola a Razzie for worst supporting actress. (Her male counterpart that year? Donald Trump for playing himself in “Ghosts Can’t Do It.”) It’s not her fault. Coppola clearly didn’t have the experience — roles as Child on Ship, Child in Street, Girl in Parade and Little Girl — or the acting chops to hang with the likes of Al Pacino and Andy Garcia. But her father, Francis Ford Coppola, cast her anyway. She landed on her feet, though, by finding far greater success behind the camera.
■ Cousin Oliver, ‘The Brady Bunch’
Horrible characters aren’t limited to the big screen. Take Cousin Oliver, who came to stay with his aunt, Carol Brady, while his parents were on an archaeological dig in South America. (Sure, why not.) After a series of mishaps, Oliver quickly declared himself to be a jinx. He wasn’t wrong. “The Brady Bunch” was canceled five episodes after his introduction. And, yes, he’s still worse than the similarly desperate additions of Sam to “Diff’rent Strokes” and Seven to “Married … With Children.”
■ Scrappy-Doo, ‘Scooby-Doo’
Meet the Cousin Oliver of animation. Let’s face it, Shaggy was almost certainly stoned. Scoob probably had a contact high. Both were terrified of pretty much everything. Then came Scooby’s fearless, crazy strong little nephew, Scrappy, as a last-ditch attempt to goose plummeting ratings. The stunt worked in the short term, but he’s since been relegated to the scrap heap of awful cartoon characters. At least he helped inspire the classic “Simpsons” episode “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show.”
■ The Great Gazoo, ‘The Flintstones’
How do you inject life into a fading cartoon set in prehistoric times? By introducing a trouble-making, floating green alien that only Fred, Barney and children can see. Despite the vocal talents of the great Harvey Korman, the misguided stunt didn’t work, and “The Flintstones” was canceled later that season.
■ Ted McGinley, ‘Happy Days,’ ‘Dynasty’ and ‘The Love Boat’
This one’s dedicated to an actor, not a character. McGinley has been a good sport about it, but throughout his career, he has been added to several shows that were on their last legs, wrongly earning him the reputation as a show killer. Jon Hein, who before he joined “The Howard Stern Show” created JumptheShark.com, even referred to him as “the patron saint of shark-jumping.”
Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com or 702-380-4567. Follow @life_onthecouch on Twitter.